di sini,
aku selalu mendo’akanmu.
walau dalam diam.
karena Tuhan punya pelbagai cara untuk menyampaikannya

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You know why I have to appear strong on the outside? it's because I'm vulnerable on the inside. So I have to protect it. Like protecting life itself. If I'm vulnerable and weak both inside and out, how am I expected to live and survive this Life? Think. If I were to cry and moan all day and grieve about what cannot be undone, with this faint heart I have, what is there to life? I'm being like this not only for myself but for the people around me. If I were to cry and tell everyone straight about my sad stories, you'd think people are gonna be comfortable with that? yes, they will sympathize me but for how long? a day? a month? a semester? NO. they'll probably pity me for sometime and after a while they will just get bored and tired of all the crying.

why do I laugh so much when I've lost so much? why do I smile like nothing happened? and be crazy as though like I didn't care? it's because that's just the way I appear to be strong. I laugh whenever I feel like crying, I smile whenever I feel sad and just be crazy whenever I'm in the verge of losing my mind because of the loss. That's just me. I can't control that and I'm sorry. =_= It's a habit that even Mama can't change it. hahaha

"The worst feeling is when someone makes you feel special, then suddenly leaves you hanging & you have to act like you don’t care at all."



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